Learnage

This is the last Mickelodeon; apparently the ‘-odeon’ suffix is too tabloid for next week’s fancy effort. So I’m taking this last opportunity to impart what I’ve learnt in my time here.

• There is nay a boy in this university who hasn’t used hair straighteners at least once.

• It takes exactly two years to plan how to open a burger bar.

• If you took all the Bob Marley posters from first years’ bedrooms and laid them end to end, you’d probably get arrested.

• You never really made it to the second year unless you completed the Blackweir Tavern Challenge (39 minutes – have it). Its end was the biggest loss to Welsh culture since the passing of Owain Glyndwr.

• If you’re going to crap yourself and lie outside the front of the Union, don’t wear white trousers (fortunately not from personal experience).

• Need to ask IT about a problem? Don’t bother, they really do not care.

• You will never again live somewhere with so many greengrocers.

• Friday nights may come and go but Factory is for life.

• There isn’t a famous person alive who the Welsh won’t try and lay ownership to. My favourite from famouswelsh.com: ‘Cilla Black, one Welsh grandparent’.

• That whilst there may be departments for Japanese, Archaeology or most fantastically Astrobiology, you will never meet anyone who studies them.

• If you miss Mr Scruff now, he’ll probably be on again within the fortnight.

• Without departmental secretaries, the uni would probably collapse within 15 minutes. Now THAT’S a strike people would notice.

• That after four years here, the only Welsh words I know are for: disabled, fire exit, people of the valley, free word, Wales, Cardiff, Monmouthshire. This has, or will never hinder me in life.

• No-one really knows what the All Nations Centre or the Temple of Peace and Health actually do, but they have lovely names.

• However ropey our university may be at times, our Union beats 14 kinds of crap out of every other one in the country.